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I Shouldn't Look for Things

I shouldn't look for things. I hate it when the day starts out with "have you seen...?" I know that, if not found within the first five minutes of the hunt, it will, by days end, turn into a mission. Today's hunt is for Winnie's collar. It started with the simple question last night. To which I responded I hadn't seen it in two days and would look when we got back from the Arts Festival. I looked briefly last night, but today I knew it would turn up. So I looked for five minutes in the usual suspect places where it is when it isn't where it should be in the first place.  No luck. An hour later, my body is tense, my mind is spinning, and there's lots of words that want to come out that aren't so nice. Why? Because as I seek for the mysteriously vanished dog collar I start to uncover the pile of dirt that somehow got on top of the refrigerator, I'm reminded that since the shower was replaced there is now nowhere to hang robes and towels becau...
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Retirement

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So, I've been retired since August 1, 2012. People ask me a few standard questions and I never know how to respond. 1.  What are you going to do now? 2.  Are you bored yet? 3.  Why did you retire so young? They also make statements such as: 1.  You are so lucky! 2.  I wouldn't know who I was if I was retired - my job is my life. 3.  You are too smart to stay retired - you'll get bored (see number 2 above). As I think and write in this moment, I can think of comebacks and smartass retorts, but not thoughtful, contemplative responses. What I want to say are things such as: 1.  I don't want to do anymore, I want to just be. 2.  Bored of what? My life? I don't think so because I don't like the alternative. 3.  Because I could after staying with the same career for 32 years. Do you ask military personnel why they retire young because some of them do too?! 4.  Lucky? Luck has nothing to do with it. It was part of the plan and ...
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Retirement "projects"

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I could never understand when retired (or stay at home folks) said they had projects to do. For me a project was wake up in the morning, get the house as clean as possible, try to have a little fun, then do work for work at home. If, after that schedule, there was time to do a "project" it was always simple and not multi-step. In fact, I couldn't imagine my mind being able to hold onto a thought let alone a project long enough to see it through to completion. Hence, I figured "projects" were not my lot in life and often claimed to hate them. Now I get it. Yesterday I was able to actually start AND complete a project.  I'm not sure it's really finished and I'm really sure it's not the best completed project ever, but, I have to say I was delighted to have done a "project" in the first two months of my retirement. I had an old piano bench that I had painted turquoise (it wasn't a project because I simply painted it one day in th...
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The Second Month

I am now into my second month of retirement. Before I left work many people (especially those who did retire/rehire) insisted that I would be bored by month two. For the record, I'm not bored at all. I have time to think. I have time to get into an exercise routine and keep with it. I have time to just "be" instead of doing all the time. I have time to plan to help my parents, visit with friends, and support a friend who is going through a rough patch right now. I have time to choose my activities...or not. I have time to plan my meals and watch what I'm eating. I have time to spend with my spouse and son. When I was working I didn't have that time. Time is a gift that working tries to take away. I'm glad to have the time back.
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The First Weeks

It's hard to believe it is already three weeks into my retired life. The first two were whirlwind travel times so it only felt like another summer vacation. This week I've had the luxury of sleeping in (haha that means until 8 or so), walking the dog even when she doesn't need to, and riding my bike daily in the morning so that I have the remainder of the day. I've also seen school buses come and go, teacher cars pulling out of parking lots after 5, and swimming pools lonely for children who are no longer available. I'm not sure how it feels yet. I guess if I had to put a word to it it would be...weird.
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Thoughts on this state of being...

Yesterday I walked away from my life's work by choice. During June and July I worked hard at easing myself out and getting my work ready for a new "boss" of it. Celebrations were aplenty in June and I feel honored by my colleagues and friends who attended those celebrations. When I walked out yesterday I felt accomplished…and somewhat emotionally flatlined. The giddiness I felt last year when I knew there was a year left seems like puppy love right now. Don't get me wrong, no regrets here. I liken the feeling to when I turned 50. I fretted about it and celebrated it long before it happened. When the day finally arrived it was a reaction like "oh, so this is it? Okay." Today I woke up knowing that my work is going on and someone else is doing it. I'm glad that I'm replaceable and yet I'm stunned at the same time. Time to get on to what I will be when I grow up. They next time I walk away from something I think I won't have such an open s...
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Time Draws Near

The countdown seemed to going quickly in late May, early June. Now that it is closer than it has ever been, time has slowed to a snail's pace. I am ready to retire, but tonight I was awake wondering what that will really mean. Especially since I spent the weekend with my aged and ailing parents. 30 years from now that will be me. Will I be healthy? Not unless I take a drastic step now. Why have I not taken that step? I simply don't have the energy. Everytime I get started a new block comes between me and my health. Will I be able to do something about it in a month? I hope so, but the latest thing that got in the way was helping care for my parents. It took every ounce of energy I had and it was over 100 degrees and that made me hang up hopes for any outdoor exercise since I wasn't in the right place for indoor exercise. Sigh. Aging isn't fun and now I am worried that retirement won't be either.
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